You know, I keep scolding my heart for being so trustworthy,
My brain, eyes, ears, they all understand.
To love is to give the power of pain away to someone else.
It was just a ticking time bomb and you held the timer in your hand,
But I don’t mind, not really.
If getting the privilege of seeing how amazing you are is part of the deal then I’d consider it a wise trade.
So I let myself fall in love with you,
And now that my heart lies in pieces I’ve realized that maybe it wasn’t so stupid after all.
Because I got to see you, all of you.
I’d like to think that it was worth it.
I know what your morning voice sounds like and how you like your tea and that you hate traffic and love it when I kiss the area right under your jaw,
Maybe those little things add up to be a fair deal.
And maybe my eyes, ears, and brain didn’t understand.
You’ve got my heart on a leash and I allowed this.
But somewhere along the way I’ve fallen head over heals, completely and utterly, in love with you inside and out.
My ears long to hear you say my name.
My eyes can’t be fully satisfied until I’ve met them with yours.
My brain refuses to allow myself a moments hesitation from the thought of you,
My favorite smell is of you,
My fingers slot with yours in a perfect harmony,
And my lips belong in the space between your’s.
And I’ve never been happier.
So I thought that maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to give myself to you.
But now I lie here after everything, picking up what’s left of me,
And I know I’ve given away to much.
Because now my ears and eyes and brain and nose and fingers and lips all betray me,
And how do I walk away from this when you’ve taken claim over every inch of me?
How do I put myself back together when my own body refuses to forget about you?
I should regret the decision to give everything to you, I should. I know.
But at night if I listen hard enough I can hear your laugh and see your eyes shining in the sunlight and smell your shampoo on my pillow and feel your hands on my cheek,
And your lips still haunt mine with the ghost of your touch.
And I know that although you won’t let me love you,
It’s too late.
I’m one hundred percent yours whether I want to be or not.❞
"I miss you," he said, a hint of regret in his voice.
"No." I told him. "No you don’t get to do this."
My shoulders shook as I struggled to keep cool.
"You do not get to come back into my life like this. How dare you?"
He stepped forward to wipe away a tear that had escaped and rolled down my cheek, but I slapped his hand aside with a violence that surprised both of us.
"I cried for so long when you left. My heart broke every minute of every day for months and all you could think of was her. So how dare you come here now and say you miss me?"
"I’m sorry," was all he could mumble, and I laughed.
"You’re sorry?" I echoed, voice hollow.
"No. You’re sorry I didn’t react in the way you expected. You’re sorry I didn’t run into your arms and beg for you to come back. You’re sorry your little games no longer have the desired effect. But you’re not sorry for what you did."
He looked confused for a moment but then there was a look of clarity as he pulled out his trump card.
"I still love you. You’re the only one I’ve ever really loved."
His green eyes sparkled with sincerity and I might have believed him; god knows how I wanted to, but I didn’t.
"Screw you." I told him, tears flowing freely now. "Screw you and your lies. Screw your inability to feel. Screw your perverse need to break hearts and mess with emotions."
I grabbed my coat and ran out onto the street. He didn’t attempt to follow me, but a moment later, I heard a ping and a text popped up on my phone:
"Give me another chance. Please."
I could barely type through the blur, but I made out two words and they were enough: